Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
