good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
