Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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