This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
