Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
