everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
