Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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