I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
