I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
