So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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