my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i drank out of a bidet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
