My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
