How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
