Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
