Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
