he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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