I hate your face
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
