every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
