cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
