I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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