Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
