my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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