i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
