oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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