Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
