One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
