Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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