Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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