As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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