Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
