u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everything about him screamed your future.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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