Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
