I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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