remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
