I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
