I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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