so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
