The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
