sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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