I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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