Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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