so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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