have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
