im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
as a side note pls kill me
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