i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
