Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
