How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
