she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just pee around me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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