do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
