I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
