She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
