just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
