There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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